Lumumba Monologues

Original absurdities from the creative gym

Author: Lumumba Monologues (page 1 of 6)

Rafa Nadal Love Song – The One That Got Away

Dearest Rafa,
This is a love song written on behalf of an adoring female fan…
…sung by a man. ❤🎾😢

Nassfeld Super Fün Song – Have a Nice Surprise 2018

February 2018 was our 10th visit to the Nassfeld ski resort so we decided to ask our group what are the top 3 things you think about when visiting Nassfeld?

We took those ideas, borrowed Nassfeld’s official slogan ‘Nice Surprise’ and turned them into the Nassfeld Super Fün Song. Cheesier than Käsespätzle, this music video gives you a true flavour of the ‘Nice Surprise’ that is Nassfeld! 😊🇦🇹⛷🏂🍺🎤🤘

Special thanks to Abi for her backing vocals and Mei Ki for German translations:)


Deep Sleep Dub

A series of dub versions of the same track based around sleep (and inspired by the lack thereof). They were conceived to be meditative. Best listened to on good headphones or speakers. The bass end was engineered to be intentionally heavy and deep (like sleep) so iPhone or laptop speakers won’t cut it! Enjoy…

The Doug Stamper Seinfeld Show – Date Night

Why Doug stamper was never cast in a sitcom!

Peter Pigeon Short Films – They’re Really Short!

Peter Pigeon took the brief of creating an intro sting for a short film event a bit literally…They’re really short!

A short film intro for the film club Around the World in 80 Films:
Club Website

Tan Boy – How to build a DIY Tandoor Oven

The only true way to create that authentic charcoal tandoor clay oven flavour in your food is to use a tandoor oven. Using only a few cheap materials, you can create a simple yet very effective clay oven which will allow you to cook your food in a short time at high temperature.

Introducing Barrel Boy’s brother, Tan Boy!

Remastered Soundtrack

Ramsbottom Ribeye Burgers

Ribeye beef steak offers that perfect ratio of meat to fat making it an excellent and most flavoursome alternative to chuck or flank. This burger was made in Ramsbottom in the heart of Lancashire.

BBQ Pork Ribs – Ramsbottom Ribs & Chocolate Beer Pit Beans

There are many ways to prepare and smoke ribs of all cuts and quality and this is just another way. Prepared in Ramsbottom in the heart of Lancashire using local and International ingredients in particular – Chocolate beer EXCLUSIVE to the town of Ramsbottom itself.

Phil’s Goulash


3 x Green peppers (Chopped into 1cm pieces)
3 x Garlic cloves (Crushed)
2 x Large onions (Diced)
2.5 x Tablespoons of Hungarian paprika
2 x Large potatoes (Chopped in to1cm cubes)
c.850g of shin beef (Chopped 1.5cm pieces)
1.5cm piece of SALTED butter (chopped off a regular block of butter)
2 x Knorr beef stock pots dissolved in c.800ml water. (Or an alternative rich stock)
2 x Vine ripe tomatoes (chopped small)
2 x Tablespoons of tomato Puree
2 x bay leaves
1 tablespoon of Dried marjoram
1.5 Tablespoons of caraway seeds
1 x tablespoon of coarse ground pepper
1.5 teaspoons of salt (also salt to taste during cooking also)


Melt the butter in a large pan and fry the onions until soften and translucent.
Add the caraway seeds and garlic and fry for a minute or so.
On full heat add the shin beef and brown. Ideally you want to seal the meat but avoid cooking it through.
Add the paprika and continue to fry for a further minute or so. Don’t burn the paprika. Lower the heat if too hot.

Add the stock, salt, pepper, tomato puree, bay leaves, marjoram, chopped tomatoes

You can add the potato and pepper at this point. You can also leave these out until about an hr before server time and cook them just for an hour so they have more bite if you prefer. Personally I don’t mind the mushy potatoes and soft peppers.

Bring to simmer then drop the heat low and put on a lid.
If you have slow cooker, pre heat while the goulash is cooking then transfer the goulash over to the slow cooker. Leave on high for minimum 2hrs or until meat fibres have softened then on low for as long as you want. Stir every 1/2hr.

If you don’t have a slow cooker, you need to get your lowest hob setting and leave for minimum 2hrs or until meat fibres have softened. Stir Often to prevent sticking at the bottom.

The real trick here is consistency. There is no exact method for this but it will thicken naturally over time. You don’t need a thickening agent. If you want it thicker, leave the lid off and let the water escape. If you want it more soup like, keep the lid on and the moisture in.

For ATWI80F I did the above but instead of transferring to a slow cooker from the pan I let it cool down and froze it. The night before it was needed I got it out of the freezer to defrost.
I then put it in the slow cooker around 10am on high (it was still a bit frozen) and dropped it down to low around 4pm. Had the lid off from about 3. Just to say, you can’t really overcook it and you can make it in advance of a goulash party.

Serve with a freshly baked bread roll dripping in butter! …nice.

Good luck and give me a shout if you want any tips or if you just wanna chat goulash.
Also, comment with your additions, twists and variations. Sharing is caring.

Lemon Sabayon


  • 50ml of water
  • 3 egg yolks
  • 70g of butter
  • 1 pinch of salt
  • 1 lemon


For the sabayon, combine the egg yolks and water in bowl. Whisk with a balloon whisk over a bain-marie set to 90°C or a pan of simmering water.

Take off the heat, then continue whisking until it reaches 70°C, it should be light and fluffy. Whisk in the butter gradually to stop it splitting. Season first with salt then lemon juice.

Phil’s Chicken Curry


  • 3 Tbsp Veg Oil
  • 1 Tsp heaped fresh Garlic. Crushed or finely chopped
  • 2 Tsp Mild Madras Powder
  • 2 Tsp Hot Chilli Powder
  • 2 Tsp Coriander Powder
  • 1 Tsp Cumin Powder
  • 1 Tsp Ginger Powder
  • 1 Tsp Turmeric Powder
  • 1 Tsp Jagery Goor or Sugar
  • 1 Tsp Methi Leaves (Optional)
  • 1/2 Tsp Garam Masala Powder
  • 3 Tbsp watered down Tomato paste (Puree)
  • 1/2 to 1 Tsp salt
  • 1.5 Green Peppers
  • 60g Fresh Coriander
  • 4 Fresh Tomatoes
  • 1 Tsp Garam Massala
  • Half Lime
  • 6 x Chicken Breasts


Wing it.

Makhani Curry Gravy


  • 1 tablespoon sunflower oil
  • 1 green chilli, chopped
  • 2cm piece of fresh ginger, peeled and finely chopped
  • 800g tomatoes, roughly chopped
  • 400ml water
  • handful of coriander stalks
  • 2 tablespoons honey
  • 1 teaspoon mild red chilli powder
  • 1 teaspoon crumbled fenugreek leaves
  • 1 teaspoon garam masala
  • 50g butter, diced
  • 80ml single cream
  • sea salt


Heat the oil in a saucepan, add the chilli and ginger and sauté over a medium heat for 1–2 minutes until lightly coloured. Add the tomatoes, water and coriander stalks, if using, and simmer, uncovered, for 20–25 minutes until the tomatoes are reduced to a pulp. Press the mixture through a sieve and discard the seeds and skins.

Return the strained sauce to the pan and bring to the simmer. Add the honey, chilli powder, fenugreek and garam masala, and bring to the boil, stirring, then simmer for 8–10 minutes until it thickens. Add the butter, cream and salt to taste. Simmer for a further 5 minutes, then adjust the seasoning, if necessary. This will keep for up to 3 days in a covered container in the fridge, or can be frozen for up to 1 month. If you freeze, however, do not add and the butter or cream until after it has thawed and is reheated.

Onion Curry Gravy


  • 4lb (1.8kg) Onions
  • 1 red pepper
  • 2 chopped green finger chillies
  • 1 sliced carrot
  • 100g peeled garlic
  • 100g fresh ginger
  • 2 tbsp tomato puree
  • 8 tbsp vegetable oil
  • 2 tsp salt
  • 2oz (60g) fresh coriander
  • 2 tins of tomatoes
  • 2 tsp coriander powder
  • 2 tsp cumin powder
  • 2 tsp turmeric
  • 2 tsp paprika


1. Peel the onions and halve and place in a very large pan (with a lid)
2. Peel & slice the carrots and place in the pan
3. Slice the red peppers into large chunks
4. Finely slice the green chillies
5. Blend the ginger & garlic (might have to add a little water and veg oil)
6. Add 2 pints (1150ml water), the chopped red & green chilli peppers, salt, coriander leaf, veg oil, ginger & garlic paste to the pan and put the lid on and turn on the heat
7. After 15 minutes, give it all a stir and reduce to a simmer
8. After another 45 minutes, stir and turn the heat off and leave it to cool
9. Blend all of it with a hand blender or use a food processor until smooth and return to the pan
10. Blend the tinned tomatoes until smooth and place in a separate pan and simmer for 10 minutes (no lid) and add a little veg oil
11. Add the tomato puree, paprika, coriander powder, cumin powder and turmeric to the tomatoes
12. Simmer down for another 10 minutes (no lid)
13. Add the tomatoes to the large pan
14. Simmer on low for another 20 minutes

Celeriac Purée



Wing it.

5 Spice White Wine Jus


  • 400ml of brown chicken stock
  • 100ml of white wine
  • 1g of xanthan gum
  • 1 garlic clove
  • 1/2 tsp five-spice powder
  • 1 tsp Chardonnay vinegar
  • 1 pinch of black pepper


Bring the white wine to the boil. Add the wine to the stock, then add the garlic, five-spice, black pepper and Chardonnay vinegar and bring to a gentle simmer. Cook for a further 2 more minutes, then pass through a fine sieve and thicken with xanthan gum. Keep warm until ready to serve

Blueberry Jus


  • 40 blueberries
  • 50g of caster sugar
  • 100ml of chicken stock
  • 50ml of red wine vinegar


Put 20 blueberries in a bowl, throw the 20 remaining in a pan and reduce together with 50g of caster sugar and 50ml of red wine vinegar, crush the blueberries with a fork as you begin to cook. When the liquid is syrupy add the stock and cook further until a syrupy sauce consistency forms. Pass through a sieve and then add to the reserved blueberries

Beetroot Purée


  • 2 raw beetroots
  • 50g of brown sugar
  • 100ml of red wine vinegar
  • 200ml of double cream
  • Salt
  • Pepper


Place the beetroot in a pan and cover with water, cook on a low heat. Add a pinch of salt, and leave to cook until soft, this could take up to two hours, you will need to top up the water throughout the process.

When soft, drain well and return to the pan, stir them round to evaporate the last of the liquid. Cook with a little with the brown sugar and then pour in the red wine vinegar, cook further until the liquid is a nice caramel colour and then add the double cream, leave to cook and thicken.

Place the beetroot in a pan and cover with water, cook on a low heat. Add a pinch of salt, and leave to cook until soft, this could take up to two hours, you will need to top up the water throughout the process.

Post Hipster ere’ up North

‘In a changing world that embraces, dilutes then disregards alternative lifestyles, the Post Hipster, remains authentic.’
PostHipster Magazine.

Watch the making of Post Hipster ere’ up North here

Post Hipster – A day out in Manchester’s Northern Quarter

A little look behind the scenes of the Post Hipster ere’ up North Video.

Watch the Post Hipster ere’ up North music video here

Post Hipster – Behind the scenes photos

Four men, a typewriter, some organic kale and a didgeridoo. Here are the behind the scene photos from the Post Hipster video shoot.


Photos taken on October 2016 – Manchester, UK

Watch the Post Hipster ere’ up North music video here
Watch the making of Post Hipster ere’ up North

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